Melrose Avenue and Money Shame
Shortly after Kara and I met, we were driving together on Melrose Ave in West Hollywood on a sun-drenched day and the temperature a cool 70 degrees. Despite knowing each other less than a week, we were already dreaming of a future together.
Life was good—really good.
I was so swallowed whole by this newfound love so my phone ringing via the car’s Bluetooth was almost an afterthought.
At the time, I was moving out of my apartment in Santa Monica and looking for a place in West Hollywood—a move that was coincidentally more appealing as Kara lived in the area.
But this heaven-on-earth experience all changed when I offhandedly answered the call.
“Hello, this is Caleb,” I said.
I immediately recognized the distinct ‘I-smoke-a-pack-a-day’ Italian voice of the prospective landlord—a man that was long overdue for a hug and far too direct with his words. Small talk and casual banter weren’t his thing but getting to the point because there is money to be made was, so he continued without saying hello back.
“Yo, so listen, I ran a credit check, um and yea, with your credit score being as low as it is, um, you’re going to have to pay 2x the security deposit in order for you to secure this apartment.”
And, before I could play dumb and try to convince him (and Kara) that he had the wrong number—which he didn’t—he told me I had 24 hours to let him know my decision and abruptly ended the call.
Are. You. Freaking. Kidding. Me.
I’ll never forget looking out of the corner of my eye trying to read Kara’s body language and facial expressions to determine whether or not I was about to jump out of a moving vehicle.
When I tell you the amount of self-hatred that I felt at this moment could have killed an elephant, I’m not exaggerating.
And listen, I knew that I would have to have this conversation at some point but damn I didn’t want to have it this soon. Like, we KNEW each other but we didn’t really know anything about each other and now here I am standing financially exposed in front of her and bracing myself for what was about to come next.
But, it didn’t.
The criticism, the questions, the concerns, the pulling away that I was convinced would happen—didn’t
In fact, the complete opposite happened.
Kara leaned over and grabbed my arm and with a face painted with compassion she said, “looks like we have some work to do on your finances, huh. We’ll get there.”
For some reason, this moment has always stuck with me and I think about it often. I think sometimes we are afraid that if we meet someone where they are and accept where they are, then they won’t change.
And, I get it. I’m sure some of you reading this have had that experience. And, that’s hard.
But for me, the emotional safety that I felt in that moment began to melt away the money shame I’ve carried for so many years and it unlocked this area of my life.
Sure, it's taken a lot of healing and work to be able to wake up and say that the life that I have is the life that I want. I tell my story for a living and make really good money doing it. I’m the most financially healthy I’ve ever been and I absolutely love this life that I have co-created.
And while I can point to several different things that have helped me change my money story, there’s nothing that compares to this moment of acceptance while driving down Melrose Avenue in West Hollywood on a sun-drenched day and the temperature a cool 70 degrees.
Because it was in this emotionally safe moment that the little boy inside of me cowering full of shame could come out from hiding and begin growing up and become the man he knew he could become.
